I’m in deep shit over relationships. I’m a 35-year- old woman and met a very handsome 43-year-old man. We’ve been dating for five months now and still haven’t slept together. My problem is that in the beginning of our relationship, he asked mhow many men I’ve slept with and worried about how he would react, I lied and told him I’d slept with seven men. But after a few months, I could not live with the lie and finally decided to tell him the reason why I still haven’t slept with him yet. I told him I didn’t want to make love because I was scared that he’d lose respect and eventually leave me like all the other men. At this point he asked me again, just how many men were there, to which I replied forty-three. His reply was, “Hmm, one for each of my birthday.” And from that day on, I never heard from him again. I don’t get it , why is it that when men sleep around, they’re studs , yet when women sleep around, they’re sluts ? Why can’t women have their fun too?
Abuja Dear Dudu,
I’ve spoken with quite a number of women asking the same question. I don’t want to pass judgment on women, nor am I saying that women shouldn’t enjoy themselves sexually. But men and women are never the same. You expressed fear about losing respect and the way I feel as a woman is that women should be worshiped by their men. An object that has value is worshiped, respected, cherished, and shared with very few deserving people. As soon as you start sharing that object with anyone and without care, the object starts to lose value. The more people use the object, the more it depreciates and the less bargaining power it has: this is a plain psychological fact of life. Most women don’t realize the importance men place on a woman’s promiscuity. Women think that because men don’t care about how many women they’ve slept with, they won’t care about how many men their woman has slept with. But the reality is that most men, those looking for a serious relationship and not a one-night stand do place great value on a woman’s sexual restraint. There was a time when many women cherished their bodies much like a sacred temple where only a noble man, one who respected and loved her, had access to her body. But over time, it seems that women have failed to realize the important role their sexuality plays in finding a long-term mate. Thanks to the women’s movement, women are so busy trying to compete with men, including in the sex department, that they fail to realize the consequences of their actions. Today, it seems that women are the ones who are collecting notches on their Prada belts by giving their bodies away too easily. But if women themselves don’t value their bodies like they used to, why should men? Some women will argue that if men have the right to sleep around, so should women. But I ask only one question: If women adamantly believe this, then why is it that when faced with the question of how many men have they slept with, most women who have slept around with truckloads of men always lie? Some women will rationalize that they must do so because men can’t handle the truth. But if this is the case, why don’t women let men decide for themselves if they can or can’t handle it? Why do women need to lie to protect men’s egos? I think women lie to protect themselves rather than men because if it’s not shame or regret that’s making you hold your tongue, then the potentially dire consequences of the truth surely are. The power lies with women…