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Deadpool Quotes DEADPOOL QUOTES Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Shit! Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Daddy Needs To Express Some Rage. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Fuck Liefeld! Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Here's what I'm actually gonna do. I'm gonna work through his crew until somebody gives up Francis, force him to fix this, then put a bullet in his skull and fuck the brain hole! Weasel: I don't want to see that or think of it again. Weasel: Wade Wilson. patron saint of the pitiful. What can I do for you? Wade Wilson/Deadpool: I'd love a "Blow Job". Wade Wilson/Deadpool: I'd love a blow Job. Weasel: Oh, God, me too... Wade Wilson/Deadpool: The drink, moose knuckle. Weasel: All right, Kahlua, Baileys and whipped cream. I give you a "Blow Job". I'm... Why do you make me make that? Weasel: All right, Kahlua, Baileys and whipped cream. I give you a blow job". I'm... why do you make me make that? Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Don't make the same mistakes I did. Got it? Or else the whole world tastes like Mama June after hot yoga. Dopinder: Sir, what does miss Mama June taste like? Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Like two hobos fucking in a shoe filled with piss! Dopinder: Okay, enough! Wade Wilson/Deadpool: I could go all day, Dopinder. The point is, it's bad! Wade Wilson/Deadpool: All the dinosaurs feared the mighty T-Rex Wade Wilson/Deadpool: All the dinosaurs feared the mighty T-Rex. Ajax: Wade Wilson! What's my name?! Ajax: Wade Wilson! What's my name? Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Ohhh, I'mma fuckin' spell it out for ya. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Ohhh, I'ma fuckin' spell it out for ya. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: It's So confusing! Is it sexist to hit you .Is it more sexist to not hit you..I am so confused Wade Wilson/Deadpool: It's so confusing! Is it sexist to hit you. Is it more sexist to not hit you. I am so confused. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Okay, let's pro/con this superhero thing, pro - They pull down a gaggle of ass, local dry cleaning discounts, lucrative film deals both origin stories and larger ensemble team movies, con - they're lame-ass teacher's pets! Piotr Rasputin/Colossus: You know I can hear you. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to them. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Listen Al, if I never see you again, I want you to know that I love you very much. I also buried 1600 kilos of cocaine somewhere in the apartment, right next to the cure for blindness. Good luck. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: I'm touching myself tonight Wade Wilson/Deadpool: I'm touching myself tonight. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Is it sexist if I kill You? Is it sexist if I don't kill you? Ellie Phimister / Negasonic Teenage Warhead: Hey! Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Zip it, Sinead! Wade Wilson/Deadpool: You big chrome cock goblin... you really gonna fuck this up for me Wade Wilson/Deadpool: You big chrome cock goblin... you really gonna fuck this up for me. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: You even look in her direction, and I'll show you that I've got some hard spots... that came out wrong... or did it? Vanessa Carlysle/Copycat: I'll be happy to sit on. Piotr Rasputin/Colossus: Wade, four or five moments. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: What? Piotr Rasputin/Colossus: Four or five moments, that's all it takes. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: To...? Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Become a hero. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: You even look in her direction, and I'll show you that I've got some hard spots... that came out wrong... or did it? Wade Wilson/Deadpool: You were wondering, this is a superhero movie but that guy just turned the other guy into a kebab, well surprise, this is a different kind of superhero movie. To tell it right, we need to take you back to before I squeezed this ass into a spandex. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: You're probably thinking, "My boyfriend said this was a superhero movie but that guy in the suit just turned that other guy into a fucking kabab!" Well, I may be super, but I'm no hero. And yeah, technically, this is a murder. But some of the best love stories start with a murder. And that's exactly what this is, a love story. And to tell it right... I gotta take you back to long before I squeezed this ass into red spandex. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Today was about as much fun as a sandpaper dildo. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Any last words? Ajax: What's my name? Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Who fucking cares! Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Ripley from Alien 3! Ellie Phimister / Negasonic Teenage Warhead: Fuck, you're old! Weasel: Guy came in here looking for you. Real Grim Reaper-type. I don’t know. Might further the plot. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: I'm just excited for my first day of superhero school. Angel Dust: Shut the fuck up! Weasel: Have fun at your midnight showing of Blade 2. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Did I say this was a love story? I meant horror movie! Blind Al: Goddamn, I miss cocaine. Ajax: Wade Wilson, what's my name!? Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Oh, I'm gonna fuckin' spell it out for you! Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Negasonic Teenage... what the shit?! That's the coolest name ever! Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Negasonic Teenage... what the shit? That's the coolest name ever! Ajax: What's my name? Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Why don't I fucking spell it out for you?! Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Why don't I fucking spell it out for you? Wade Wilson/Deadpool: His real name is Francis, he got Ajax from the dish soap! Weasel: Wanna get fucked up? Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Ever seen 127 Hours? Spoiler alert! Wade Wilson/Deadpool: #Drive-by Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Hashtag drive by. Vanessa Carlysle/Copycat: That's a face I can sit on. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Did you ever hear about the one legged man in the ass kicking competition? Wade Wilson/Deadpool: I was having a nightmare. I dreamed I took Liam Neeson's daughter and he was just not having it. Blind Al: I am crazy, or is your hand really small? Wade Wilson/Deadpool: It's about the size of a KFC spork. Ajax: Ok, Fists then. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Just like last Saturday night for you. Weasel: I'm sorry your face is....haunting. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: All dinosaurs feared the T-Rex. Piotr Rasputin/Colossus: Do you have off switch? Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Yeah, it's right next to the prostate...or is that the on switch? Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Maximum effort Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Maximum effort. Vanessa: I'll be happy to sit on Wade Wilson/Deadpool: I'll be happy to sit on. Vanessa Carlysle/Copycat: After a brief adjustment period and a bunch of drinks, it's a face... I'd be happy to sit on. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: You know what they call cancer in Spanish? Weasel: What do they call it? Wade Wilson/Deadpool: El cancer. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Only two of you living in a mansion this big? It's almost like Fox couldn't afford to have anymore X-Men. Weasel: I'd come with you, but I don't wanna. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: See, you don't need to be a superhero to get the girl, the right girl will bring out the hero in you. Ajax: What's my name? Piotr Rasputin/Colossus: We're taking you to the Professor. Piotr Rasputin/Colossus: You will come talk with Professor Xavier. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Stewart or McAvoy? This whole 'alternate universe' thing gets really confusing.. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Stewart or McAvoy? This whole alternate universe thing gets really confusing.. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: McAvoy or Stewart? These timelines can get so confusing. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: So what's it going to be, sullen silence or mean comment? Ellie Phimister / Negasonic Teenage Warhead: Okay, you've got me in a box here. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Time to make the chimi-fucking-changas! Piotr Rasputin/Colossus: Watch your language. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Suck a cock. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: You weren't meant to see that... Wade Wilson/Deadpool: A fourth wall break inside a fourth wall break? That's like, sixteen walls. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Cue the music... Wade Wilson/Deadpool: I will shoot your cat! Wade Wilson/Deadpool: That 's a 16x fourth wall smash! Wade Wilson/Deadpool: You weren't meant to see that... Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Cue the music... Wade Wilson/Deadpool: You weren't meant to see that... Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Ah, shit. Did I leave the stove on? Wade Wilson/Deadpool: This last shot has to pull out, but it's the only thing pulling out tonight. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: :Oh yea....I'm touching myself tonight"!! Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Oh yea....I'm touching myself tonight! Wade Wilson/Deadpool: I bet it's going to feel really big in that hand later... Wade Wilson/Deadpool: "I bet this little hand will make it look really big" Wade Wilson/Deadpool: I bet this little hand will make it look really big. Piotr Rasputin/Colossus: You are gonna talk to Professor Xavier. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: McAvoy or Stewart? I find these parallel universes so confusing. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Chicka-chickahhhhh... Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Right up Main Street! Ajax: Quick question, what's my name? Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Let's dance...and by dance I mean kill each other! Wade Wilson/Deadpool: (Kicks Colassus in the 100% metal crotch) OMG!!! Your poor wife!! Wade Wilson/Deadpool: OMG! Your poor wife! Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Ripley, from Alien 3. Ellie Phimister / Negasonic Teenage Warhead: Fuck, you're old. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Fine, but I only have 12 bullets so you're gonna have to share! Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Ladies and gentlemen: and now, the moment I've all been waiting for... Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Before I go, I misplaced an eight ball of cocaine somewhere in this apartment and it's right next to the cure for blindness. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Listen Al, if I never see you again, I want you to know that I love you very much. I also buried 1,600 kilos of cocaine somewhere in the apartment - right next to the cure for blindness. Good luck. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: That guy was up there before we got here. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Let's go out there and make a difference! Weasel: You are haunting. Weasel: You look like an avocado had sex with an older avocado Weasel: You look like an avocado had sex with an older avocado. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Thank You Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Thank You. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Thank you. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Ahhhh....I'm touching myself tonight Vanessa: I love you, Wade Wilson. We can fight this. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: You're right. The cancer's only in my liver, lungs, prostate, and brain. All things I can live without. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Oh, come on. You're gonna leave me here with less angry Rosie O'Donnell? Weasel: Oh, motherfucker, you are hard to look at. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: I look like a testicle with teeth. Weasel: You look like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah. Wade Wilson/Deadpool: Exactly.